Saturday, July 22, 2006

Amelia's First Wedding (& Rant)

First the rant: I am fed up with washing poo-encrusted pants and food-plastered bibs. Amelia refuses point blank to wear any of her new easy-wipe bibs; she acts as though I am trying to place something hot/toxic/burning around her neck. Of course, she makes no such fuss if I just put a normal, needs-to-be-washed bib onto her, although now she's starting to get more fussy about those too! And Barnaby pooed on three pairs of Bob the Builder pants today: so much for our "Don't poo on Bob!" campaign. Grrrrrrrr. What do I hate about motherhood? Pants covered in poo, early mornings, the amount of laundry in general, early mornings again, frequent lack of logic and never being able to dress up nicely (see rest of post!).

Rant over.

Anyway, onto the wedding. I had agreed to be at the meeting house for 2:30 with the toys (which I had sneakily loaded up into the car last night so that Barnaby wouldn't realise that I was making off with half his toys). The plan had been for Barnaby and Sheep to go down the field with 'Aunty Claire and Uncle Julian' and to generally help (?) out and possibly be rewarded by a ride on their tractor. That was the plan...

Claire arrived at about 2:10, just as I was trying to leave. At this point Barnaby decides that he doesn't want to go to the field but wants to come to the meeting house with Amelia and I. As I have the car filled to the gills with toys, and have already removed his car seat, that was not even remotely possible. Eventually I just had to leave, telling Sheep that if Barnaby continued to be so adamant, perhaps he could ask Claire to drive them to the meeting house instead.

As I got to the meeting house, a storm had just begun. I parked temporarily just outside (in the spot reserved for the bride), and rushed in to see if someone could help me bring in the toys before the deluge. I was too late - the heavens opened and I was advised to remain the meeting house. However, Amelia was still in the car! So, I rushed back in and in the 10 metres or less between the meeting house door and my car, I got completely drenched (so much for dressing up a bit). Back in the car, I decided to wait for it to subside a bit. So, there I am, in the car, the windows misting up (it's still really hot and muggy), when Amelia strains to do a big poo (anyone reading this blog must think I am poo-obsessed: I really am not). Suddenly the car is filled with this hot, steamy malodorous stench. And I am sitting there soaked to the skin. At this point, the bride's car arrives. I have to back out of a tiny spot, in the torrential rain, trying hard not to inhale too deeply.

Eventually, the rains starts to subside - I take Amelia in and ask one of the Friends I recognise from meeting to keep an eye on her and just leave her in her carseat on the floor (apologising in advance for the smell). After two or three more trips to the car, I have transferred all the toys into the meeting house, and am damp beyond belief and aware that I have just enough time to change Amelia's nappy before the wedding starts.

So, I go into the ladies toilet (there are no baby changing facilities in the meeting house), and upon opening Amelia's nappy change bag realise that I have forgotten her changing mat. I have to place my silk jacket on the floor in order to change her on it. Oh, it get's worse! I start to unbutton her only to realise that she has done the most expansive, copious poo ever - it is the worst combination of solid/breast-feeding poos: solid in all the wrong places and gooey/slimy everywhere else. It's not only all over her bottom, it's all over her tummy too - I am into serious damage limitation mode by this time. Were I a first-time mother, I think I'd be in tears. Eventually, I mop up the mess, change her completely (so much for her nice outfit as well!) and get ready to go. This is when I realise that as well as looking like a drowned rat, I have poo on the bottom of my trouser leg. How on earth did that get there? What is it with me and weddings and poo? I remember taking Barnaby to a wedding two years ago (when he was 18 months old) only to find myself in a similar situation, except that time it was poo all over my skirt. Why do I have children that reserve their most evil bowel movements for the rare occasions that I am dressed up? I don't know. But I am sure that they sense it.

However, I will admit that we made it into the meeting room in time, the promises by the bride and groom were lovely (reminding me of our wedding just over six years ago and yes, I did get all emotional) and after the promises everything went surprisingly well with looking after the children for the last 40 minutes of the meeting. Barnaby and Sheep turned up after the wedding was over and Barnaby was suitably outraged to discover that the library was full of his toys! However, he rapidly got over it (when offered a chocolate biscuit). But he was a bit perturbed that we had to leave a box of his MegaBlocks (like Duplo Lego) behind as we couldn't fit it all into the car for the homeward journey (we'll pick it up after meeting tomorrow).

So that was Amelia's first wedding. An occasion that I won't forget in a hurry. However, I am generally feeling a bit stressed and upset (hence the rant earlier). I lost my temper on Thursday night - a rare event (Sheep and I tried to remember how many times I have done that since we've been together: perhaps half a dozen times in more than a decade?), so it has freaked us both out a bit. I am certainly feeling stressed by trying to be back at work. I already feel like I am trying to juggle too many balls and that I am dropping some. I don't know. I am certainly not my usual, calm, easy-going self at the moment though.


At 9:45 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel for you!

Love, Dad

At 11:21 pm, Blogger Arcy_Dee said...

Thanks. I know, rationally, that there is an end to all this poo (at least, my part in it!), but sometimes it's hard to believe that my life doesn't revolve around my children's bowel movements.


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