Monday, May 29, 2006

Guilt

The theme of today has been guilt.

Guilt that I find myself struggling to entertain/cope with Barnaby for three whole days in sucession.

Guilt that on a Bank Holiday Monday I find myself wishing that Barnaby was at nursery.

Guilt that I feel that I am not giving Amelia as much attention as I gave Barnaby at the same age; when Barnaby was still a small baby, I recall that I spent a lot more time reading books to him, playing with him and generally interacting with and stimulating him.

Guilt that Barnaby feels ursurped by Amelia.

Guilt that Amelia has to cope with Barnaby's sometimes over-energetic attentions.

Guilt that I am so tired (because of this cot-sleeping plan) at the moment that I am far more short-tempered than usual.

Guilt that Sheep's upset about his PhD and I can't seem to say the right thing.

4 Comments:

At 9:48 pm, Anonymous Jenni said...

I'm sure some large percentage of this must indeed be down to your lack of sleep, as pinpointed in one of your points... It will get better. I'm not sure what else to say other than platitudes like 'count your blessings as well as your burdens'.

Tomorrow B will be in nursery again and you can spend time with Amelia. Later Amelia will get used to cot-sleeping and the days will be easier as the nights get easier. Laer still the age gap between them will feel smaller as they are more able to do the same things together and get the same joy out of them. Time will make a big difference to all of this, and needs to be balanced against this guilt that you won't feel forever.

j xx

 
At 6:43 am, Anonymous Dad for Jenni said...

Jenni said...
I'm sure some large percentage of this must indeed be down to your lack of sleep, as pinpointed in one of your points... It will get better. I'm not sure what else to say other than platitudes like 'count your blessings as well as your burdens'.

Tomorrow B will be in nursery again and you can spend time with Amelia. Later Amelia will get used to cot-sleeping and the days will be easier as the nights get easier. Laer still the age gap between them will feel smaller as they are more able to do the same things together and get the same joy out of them. Time will make a big difference to all of this, and needs to be balanced against this guilt that you won't feel forever.

j xx

 
At 6:45 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tuesday Morning early in the office, read your blog, saw no comments and logged in to find that Jenni, more or less had said the same ideas I was going to say, but her comment was sitting there without being posted.

Yer ol Man

 
At 12:05 pm, Anonymous Ozlem said...

I can see how it suddenly feels like this. I have some days of total worry and guilt - even without kids! I think you are doing great, taking each day as it comes. That's how we all should handle things I think, one step at a time...

 

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